I wasn't too sure what to start a blog about, I'm not too good at these things, however, I want to talk about troubles in families. It seems in my family whenever one of us has a problem it becomes the problem of our whole family, and everyone tries to sort it out and help out in whatever way they can. This kind of relates to Antigone because her problem becomes that of her sister, even though she doesn't want it to.
I want to ask, how does your family unit respond to problems? As a whole? Or is it a fend for yourself type of deal?
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I think that the way people deal with situations depends on both the person having the problem as an individual, and also the magnitude of the problem. I myself am not big on asking people for help a lot of the time, or even with showing people that I'm sad or upset. So usually if I have a problem I only talk about it to my closest friend. However, if the problem were big enough and I felt I couldn't handle it on my own, I would definitely ask my family for help, and I have absolutely no doubt that they would be there to get me through it.
I do know that in hard times when something affects my family as a whole, that we do definitely come together. Whether it's trying to give my cousin suggestions on what she should name her baby or gathering for a grandparent's funeral, my family sticks together through thick and thin pretty darn well. I would like to hope that this is also true of most families.
I have a really close-knit family, so when someone in my family has a problem, we all bond together to overcome the problem. We all try to help one another, and it's really nice to have the support system. I really appreciate being able to talk to my mom and dad whenever I have an issue, and I trust their advice.
However, usually when it's a small issue, I tend to deal with it myself. I think sometimes when I bring one of my problems to my family, it becomes a huge deal, even though it really isn't. Sometimes, just knowing that my family will be there to support me no matter what helps me deal with any issues I'm having. Even when my family doesn't know what exactly to say or do, just having them be there for me gives me the courage to figure things out.
In my family we usually deal with our problems on our own, but for the bigger things we deal with them as a whole. Of course if a member of my family can't handle a problem, then we all do what we can to help them. This is either when they ask or it just becomes obvious to everyone else.
I think with bigger issues in most families they deal with it together. I mean for my family when there's a big serious problem, we all get involved and try to solve it. Another thing about my family is that we can usually tell when one of us is having a serious problem which makes it easier to deal with. I think being able to relate to each other also makes a big difference in families because if you can't relate to each other then trying to help wouldn't really do anything.
My family is very close and usually if one of us has a problem (even if we try to hide it) sooner or later someone finds out. Its really awesome, because my family will join together and pray for each other and talk it out. However, sometimes they make a big deal out of little things and that annoys me. I tend to keep the minor struggles to myself or talk it out with a close friend. But all in all, I know that my family is always there for me through hard times and that we'll stick together no matter what.
I'm going to agree with the overall consensue that families deal with big problems together. I'd go so far as to say that that's the case for most families.
In my family, we generally deal with smaller problems ourselves, or with the help of one or two others. I'm really happy with that solution, personally; I'd rather keep my personal issues to myself until I want an outside perspective on them. I think I'd feel kind of smothered in a family where all problems become family business. Like Katrina said, I think that that'd make problems into bigger deals than they ought to be.
My family is generally really close, but for some reason when one of us is having a problem we try to keep it to ourselves. I always feel that my family has enough on their plate without having to deal with my personal issues as well. However, the family member with the problem usually breaks down from holding everything inside and then it becomes everyones problem.
I was raised knowing that if I have a problem that I cannot solve on my own that I should go to someone for help. I usually go to my friends first because I feel like they are on the same level as me. If we cannot handle solving it, I go to my brother who gives me his sound and mature advice. And if I do not like his advice, I turn to my mom who always talks me through it.
As a whole family, including grandparents and all, we handle family issues as a whole. Everyone always pitches in when necessary and works together to through the rough patch.
If I have a little problem, I tend to try to deal with it myself because if I tell a single person in my immediate family the whole family becomes involved and feels the need to give their opinion. This is helpful when I actually do have a problem, but tends to make something out of nothing in many cases, which can be annoying. I'd like to think this is pretty characteristic of most families. Big problems involve the whole family and tend to bring family members together, while many people like to keep small problems to themselves. Although my family can blow problems out of proportion, I think that they do more help than harm when I come to them with a problem. Sometimes just knowing that they love and support me enough to take my problems on as their own is enough to get me through whatever situation I'm going through.
Well, because everybody seems to agree that families will stick together to fix problems, even if it is just one persons problems, I have another question. If our families are so supportive and caring, why do we try to hide some of our problems? Is it because we are embarrased or trying to save the family by handling them alone?
For me, it depends on which aspect of my family we're talking about. In my immediate family, we have a tendency to keep things to ourselves. Even big things don't come out in the open until they absolutely have to.
Then, with my extended family, it depends on which side we're talking about. With my mom's family, they're definitely talkers and ralliers. If something has happened, word gets around quickly and people are quick to respond. This sense of comrodary has definitely made me feel close with this part of my family.
My dad's family is basically the opposite. Information isn't really shared until the last minute, and it's usually very vague. Because of this, it makes it hard to help because we're unsure of what's going on. I wish that it wasn't this way with my dad's family, but it would be impossible to change it.
I would definitely agree that it depends on the problem. In my immediate family we handle things on our own. Not that we won't listen to each other's problems or try to help each other out, it's just that we are in completely different stages and it's hard for us to tell each other what to do about a problem. We never really take an issue and involve the whole family because we don't usually agree on a course of action. If, however, more than one family member is involved then we try to band together to work it out and stand together against whatever is in disagreement with us. Our family is tight-knit, but we are also very individualistic so we tend to solve issues on our own. We've got each other's backs, but we've been taught to stand strong on our own.
For me personally, every problem I have, if my family is aware of it, becomes a concern of theirs as well. It has to do with how much they love me and don't want to see me hurting.
My parents absolutely hate when I'm upset. No matter how little the problem is, if it's important enough to me to be upset over it, my mom especially becomes burdened with the responsibility of trying to figure it out with me. I absolutely love that about her. My dad is more silent, but I know he feels the same way. I see his concern more in his eyes.
My sister, though she lives far away, always shows me so much thought and concern for every area of my life. When she's here in town, or I'm visiting her, she asks a ton of questions, and if it comes to something I'm dealing with, she usually asks if she can pray for me. This is unbelievably comforting.
My brother is less expressive of his concerns and cares for me, but I know he does care. I don't talk to him very much about my problems, because I know he struggles with so much difficulty as a father of two little boys, a wife, and a full-time job. I love him and he loves me, but his burdens are his and mine are mine, I guess you could say.
I guess, then, that each family member will respond differently. It will depend on temperament and expression more than anything. But I also believe if a family member loves you and knows you are struggling, they will care and sympathize regardless of the situation.
In answer to your second question Katina, I would have to say we try to hide our problems more out of pride than embarrassment. Since our immediate family is so close to us and probably know us best, it's sometimes hard to break down those walls of real intimacy when we are struggling. I know that sounds like a contradiction... but it's just a theory. Sometimes I feel that the people we're closest to are also the hardest to be close to. Hmm... So even though we know our family will support us, we're not always willing to turn to that obvious form of support unless we really have to.
Definitely as a whole. If one of us wants to deal with a problem on our own then we don't share the problem with the rest of the family. We are all very protective of one another, so that leads us to want to help out another family member as much as possible, especially if they are hurting. So, it really just depends on whether or not the individual with the problem wants the help and if they do everyone else will do anything they can to assist them.
I agree with Katrina in response to Katina's question about being embarrassed to share our problems with our families. I've never been embarrassed of going to my family for help, but I always try to solve things myself first, then with friends, then my family. I also think a reason for not opening up to family right away is because it's a sign of weakness. I'm not saying that's bad because I've been there before with a big problem like that too, but putting on a brave face for everyone is usually easier than actually talking about and dealing with what's going on.
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