Each time period seems to have certain expectations for the family. We talked in class about how Mr. Clutter’s role as the father (man of the house) who had absolute control over his family was the accepted norm of his time period. However, in today’s society, we might have different norms, which would lead us to judge Mr. Clutter’s role differently.
So my question has to do with the family and today’s society. What kind of standards do we have today in regards to the family? Are there certain components society deems necessary to be considered a family? Are there any expectations in our time for a family to have a certain structure? (Does a family have to have a mother, father, and children?) What are the expectations for each role (parents—father and mother—and children) in the family? Lastly, how have the expectations about family changed up to now?
Looking forward to reading your responses :).
This blog is for the “Legacy of the Family Story" course taught by Kathryn Collison in the University Honors Program at the University of New Mexico in Albuquerque, NM, USA. It provides an easily accessible, electronic space for 100-level Honors students to discuss texts and ideas, develop critical thinking skills, and practice college level writing. While anyone may read our work, only class members may post.
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24 comments:
Typically, when one thinks of family they see a father, mother, and children, but over the years this depiction of a family has changed. Of course families such as this are still around, they are just more scarce than used to be. Nowadays there are so many different people that make up a family. For instance, if parents are divorced and remarry they merge two families together creating a whole new family. Also, as we've seen in the books we've read this semester, friends can take the place of blood relatives, which also shows the many different combinations of families.
The more traditional or old fashioned people do have expectations of what a family should consist of, however, in our society today these expectations and structure are becoming more scarce. Back in the 40s it was definitely frowned upon for a woman to have a child out of wedlock, but today this has changed drastically and it is becoming normal. The structure of what actually makes up a family has changed dramatically because back then a family consisted of a mother, father, and children whereas now it can consist of others some not even blood related.
The modern idea of family has definitely changed from the rigid nuclear family structure of the 1950s. I do still think that we hold the idea of the nuclear family (mom, dad, 2.5 kids, etc.) as the norm, but it is no longer the sole definition of family. Families today vary widely, from single parent families, to same sex couples raising children, to couples without children. All of these are considered families. I also think that the roles in the family have become more flexible. The roles of the dad being the breadwinner and the mom being the homemaker are not always fixed. With more women in the workforce and more stay at home dads, those preconceived roles seem even more outdated. The one thing that I don't think has or should really change is the ideal for the parent child roles. Parents are still expected to parent their children with no room for role reversal in that relationship, and though the methods of parenting may have changed those roles really haven't all that much.
I like this question. It is intense.
Okay, serious answering time...
I think today's family standards vary widely depending on what cultural niche you occupy. The societal standards for what comprises a family seem pretty loose, too, what with the complications of divorce and remarriage. However, there are certain expectations that seem pretty widespread. I think there's a strong societal expectation for moms above a certain income bracket to do everything "right"... whatever right is.
The expectations about family have definitely changed over the years. Moms and dads are taking more equal roles in parenting, which can only be good, and it's become acceptable to be a stay-at-home dad.
Whenever anyone says the word family, a certain mental picture will almost always come to mind: a mother, a father, and two children. Even though today we have many different types of families, this is still our working basis. Today our world has opened its arms to many types of family structures; families with single parents, foster families or families with adopted children, same sex couples with or without kids, extended families, any combination. The husband can stay at home while the wife goes to work; all boundaries are being broken.
People taking care of one another are family. But, hopefully, the parents are still the ones looking after and supporting the children. But sadly, sometimes there is a role reversal and this isn't the case. Some parents are unable to care for themselves, let alone their child or children, so the child is left to care for them both. This has happened in the past and continues to occur today.
Expectations about family are always changing, and will continue to do so as our society adapts and evolves.
I definitely agree that societal standards in regards to the family have become less stringent over time. There are so many different types of family structures that are accepted today.
I think in today's society, the mothers still face more expectations to raise the child. There are a lot more single moms than single dads. The women still seem to be given the responsibility of raising children. Also, I agree that society still has some standards such that most people still think of a family in terms of a mother, father, and children.
However, I think one of the biggest changes in societal standards is in regards to children. In earlier times, families were expeted to have children. Nowadays, there are many people who choose not to have children, and this trend is readily accepted.
It almost seems like standards about family will soon be obsolete with all the changing attitudes. Which leads me to ask what will then be the criteria for determining what is a family? Is this loosening of standards and change always for the better?
The "Americanization" of global media has catalyzed a shift in cultural values of the family structure. As our trashy media (please don't get offended) is played overseas, the global idea of family becomes more and more jaded. As the United States and other developed nations become desensitized, we begin to set standards and fight for rights for our idea of family instead of whatever was a country's original standard.
The acceptability of divorce has become standard in our nation and is becoming less and less opposed by the world's people. Our idea of a "nuclear family" has changed from a classic two parent two child model to a new model called "whatever works." Being a leader (no matter how debated) in the global economy means that our ideas will (with or without our intentions) spread throughout the rest of the world. In those values and ideas, family will inherently begin to change around the world just because of what we start deeming acceptable.
I believe that family was created and should be filled with the basic components of Father, Mother and children. Of course I understand, due to circumstances this combination of members is not going to exist in every single family, but I think it was meant to be this way. Unfortunately, since we don't live in a perfect world, we have to deal with diverse families. I see this traditional family setting becoming less and less common though, specifically in our country. I find it sad, that mothers are having to take on the role of the father or that even children are having to take care of their parents. I think that if you are a member of a family you have a specific role and to not fill that role to the best of your ability distorts the proper functioning of your family. The way our culture views family is definitely changing and these more unique family combinations are becoming quite common. However, I think it is having a detrimental effect on our society. I'm curious to watch how family will change over my life time.
I truly believe that the family structure has to do a lot with culture and not just the time period. It is hard to say that there should be a set structure of what there needs to be in a family and who is responsible for certain things.
However if we look just at American culture there are many ways that are acceptable. It is being more and more common to see single parents, gay/lesbian parents, and adoptive parents. There is also the situation that many children have of two divorced parents who are still active in the child's life. For example my parents are divorced but they both are present in my siblings and my life. Also I have never felt like this was looked down upon because it has become a "norm" in our time.
I definitely think that family structures and expectations have changed. As everyone else has also said there are tons of divorced single parents and a lot of same sex parents raising children. Nowadays it's also more common to see teenage pregnancies that rarely end with marriages. This of course means YOUNG single parents and a lot of difficulty. When thinking of a family, the idea of a nuclear family is probably what is still the first thing to come to mind, but there are lots of other "types" of families that have emerged in today's society.
With regards to the familial roles. I think they can still be the same just less extreme sometimes. To kids, their dad is still the strong brave one and mom is still the sweet comforting one. At least that's how I saw it growing up. However man being the head of the household and breadwinner of the family is no longer the stereotype. Women have definitely risen to take their place in the work force and I don't think they let their husbands decide everything. Familial structures have definitely changed a lot over the years.
Right now I am taking a sociology course, and it is obvious that social norms, such as the "typical" familial structure, have been changing drastically for years. One other thing that is apparent is that different societies hold different norms and expectations.
As an American, what I know most about is our culture-our norms and what we consider "deviance." Something that I certainly have seen happening is the acceptance of what used to be considered somewhat of a taboo in regards to family--for example, divorce, same sex marriages, and men and women raising a child out of wedlock.
Years ago, in the early twentieth century, society required a father, a mother, in a legitimate marriage, to raise a family. It is so interesting how this has transformed in today's society. We now consider a man and woman, who are not bound by any sort of covenant to each other, at complete liberty to conceive a child and raise that child in a home. Equally, we even accept one parent raising a child, or two people of the same gender. Another "taboo" not too long ago was the concept of divorce. It was unheard of, a shame, to divorce your spouse and move on in life. Now this is more frequent than married couples staying together, sadly.
As far as the acceptable roles in a family-the only "norm" I see that seems consistent through history is that of a parent in authority over a child. How that parent relates to another parent, or whether they are alone in raising their child, that seems no longer relevant
There are always "exceptions" or deviations from these rules of society, but today, it is no longer unacceptable to go in a different direction than the majority on this issue. It appears that instead, we embrace the concept of social "deviance."
What do you all think about the shift in society's ideals? Do you agree with today's norms more than those of a hundred years ago? What do you think of divorce? Of illegitimate births? Do these situations affect the children, parents, and other members of society, in good ways, or bad?
These are controversial subjects, but it's so enlightening to see one another's perspective on such topics. I certainly love learning about what you all think and believe.
I think that the standards for families have become so much more lenient. For example, in the past families were mostly father, mother, and children; there was not as much change in the family dynamic or the individual family. What I mean by this is that there was so little divorce in the past because families were stronger and saw divorce as a sort of "failure". I think family was seen more as what you have is what you're stuck with. However, today, family is seen as something that can be changed and manipulated. I see this happening quite often.
There are so many different expectations for each family member. Yet again, the family leniency that has developed allows for the roles of family members to be interchangeable. I do not think that there are any certain expectations that are strictly for one family member. For example, my mom is the provider, caretaker, discipliner, loving and supporting member of my family. She took on all of the roles of the parents and I think she has done a wonderful job at fulfilling all of her roles! :) Also, my brother is the member of my family that has the greatest affect on my personality and morals through all of the things he had to experience the hard way and all of the lessons he tries to teach me.
I also do not think that children are necessary to make a family. The family dynamic has evolved so greatly that I think complete strangers that meet and develop a strong relationship can be considered a family. It is all about the emotions behind the relationship that qualify a group of people as a family.
In response to Amanda's questions, I do accept today's norms because I do not feel that people should have to fit into a certain prototype and stay with it no matter what circumstances may arise. If people are finding happiness through their social "deviance" than I think it is completely acceptable. I do not think that divorce or illegitimate children are what anyone plans for, however I fully believe in the fact that everyone makes mistakes. If people work to their greatest ability and try to provide the best life for themselves and their children under their circumstances, then that is the best that they can do and they should not be judged or looked down on for their mistakes.
All of these situations can have both negative and positive effects. The divorce and illegitimate children is hard on families and the society because it changes the family and societal dynamic so much. This is seen through the interchangeable roles of family members. Yet, these situations can be positive because they require strength to get through them.
Thanks, Christian! I like how you said no one should be judged or looked down upon if they deviate from standards. I completely agree. If someone doesn't like what someone does, there's a difference between not accepting a person and not accepting what they choose to do. I think every person, no matter what mistakes they've made, should be treated with the same respect we would give anyone else.
I also like how you said there are both good and bad results. That's absolutely true. And great point about growing in strength while going through those hard trials. I know that the greatest trials I've gone through, I've grown tremendously.
I definitely think that there are consequences for every action we make, and a lot of times in the situations we've discussed, people realize the mistakes they've made solely because of the results that have occurred. There's a lot of pain, for example, in divorced families, and often for children whose parents aren't married. And at other times, it was the healthiest decision.
For example, if a spouse has an affair, I do not believe the two should remain married. The healthiest action would be a divorce, and the spouse that cheated was the one to make the mistake. But something that is unfortunately true in all circumstances like this is that everyone involved has to deal with the consequences of that person's mistake. They all have to deal with that pain. That is why it's so important to realize every mistake we make affects those around us.
I don't think that the changing and broadening definition of family is a detriment to society. Furthermore, I don't think that diverse families are things we need to "deal with," but are things we should embrace as a part of our society. The typical family setup with the "proper" family roles being assumed is not necessarily good for the individual or for society as a whole, and other types of families are not necessarily to be looked down upon. Who's to say what's best? Ideally, the family is just a support system. People stay married for no other reason than to "uphold the sanctity of the family." It's better for children to grow up in a loving single parent home than to live in an atmosphere of hostility and dysfunction with two married parents who don't really want to be that way. Even with the image of the "perfect typical family," no one can know how healthy a family really is by simply perceiving it as fitting into some preconceived norm.
In present day American standards, there is a lot of room for deviation when it comes to societal expectations and “norms”. I don’t believe that society on a whole has established a set right and wrong but that familial expectations are shaped from cultural, and perhaps religious, customs and beliefs.
Familial roles and expectations that were once believed to shape a society have now drastically changed. Like we brought up in discussion, the time lapse between when the murder of the Clutters occurred to now, familial roles and expectations have changed. When the murders occurred in 1959, society viewed a family as being comprised of a father, mother, and three or more kids. The community the Clutters lived in not only shared these 1950-1960s era expectations but also the expectations that farm-tending families had. The father was expected to be the “head of the household” and the one bringing in the family income. The mother was expected to care for the children and care for the children. Children were expected to help around the house and do whatever the parents needed to be done.
In our present society, families are not necessarily structured in this same fashion. Divorce and remarriages are occurring more often than they were 40 years ago. Present American society has many interpretations of what comprises a family. Like Miranda said, familial roles have become more flexible. There is no mold of a “normal” family. Whether the parents are of the same sex, or it is the father who stays at home with the children, the word “family” in our society carries a much different meaning than it did in the 50s and 60s.
I think there will always be a certain picturesque version of a family that society deems acceptable...a mom and a dad with their children all sitting around a table laughing and eating dinner. However I think that currently our society as whole is being more accepting of different family structures. As our views become more and more progressive, so does our ability to accept things that may not have always been the norm. I know that I personally can think of many different family structures because, throughout my life, I have seen them. I have been around families with an absent mother or father, gay parents, and adopted children. I think that this gives me a wider knowledge of what a family can be. I feel that the more accepting we are of people the happier our society will be as a whole. The less outcasted families there are will lead to more unity throughout our society.
In response to Amanda’s question, I think that although there has been a shift in society’s ideals, there has been a big shift in the level of societal tolerance for differences. I know personally in my own family, in the early part of their marriage, my grandmother was physically abused by my grandfather. Her father basically told her that she had to deal with it because if she went through with a divorce he would not help her out in anyway. My great-grandfather was against the divorce not only because of his religious standpoint but also because he was concerned about what people in the community would think. I think norm’s and expectations from 40-50 years ago were also very different because communities and towns used to be a lot smaller and, naturally, closer.
I personally think that divorce and illegitimate births are frankly no one’s business except for the people involved. Life is full of twists and turns and things often happen without warning or expecting something to happen. I definitely agree with Christian that these situations can have both positive and negative affects on a person. Just because someone might be faced with a tough situation such as a divorce or illegitimate birth, is not reason to look down on or judge a person.
In regards to Mr. Clutter and that general time period, there has been a huge shift in gender roles. The father, in many families, not all, is no longer the head of the household. Women are off working and bringing home the bacon just like their husbands. The woman may still be the nurturer in many cases, but like my mom, they are not afraid to lay down the law.
I would say that the normal image of a family is still the dad, mom, two kids kind, but that nowadays many other variations exist and are accepted. Particularly, I would say that single parents are more common because of high divorce rates. People no longer judge people for separating and many people are praised for being able to make it on their own while supporting children. People we aren't related to by blood,as Bridget said, is also an example of a family. Then there's same-sex parents, children raised by other family members, as with Truman Capote, and people who don't have parents, but rather an older sibling, or no one at all.
Therefore, I think it's hard to say exactly what expectations people have about family structure, but I would venture to say that most people realize that family can come in any form.
People and the way that people live is constantly changing and evolving. The generation taking sociology 50 years from now will probably look at the way we we;re living and think that we are all nuts! Things just change as time passes.
Having said that, I feel that the concept of family is and will still be the same for time periods to come; it is the way that the family looks that is different. I think that the immediate thought that people have when they think of family are people who are related to each other, either by blood or maritally. At least, that is the first thought that comes to my mind. I understand that there is the possibility of friends as family, but this is just on first reaction.
Now, as for the shape of the family, that has definitely evolved in recent years. Everyone has a mother and a father; that is a biological fact of life. It's whether or not both parents choose to be a part of each other's and/or the child's life, that makes them a true "family". Maternal and paternal roles have also shifted recently. I agree that the papa is no longer always the one who goes to work while the mama stays at home and cleans (although this still may be true for some families). I do feel that fathers are still viewed as the stricter parent, while mothers get the label of nurturer.
I do think that a lasting component of a family member is the fact that they will be there to help another family member out no matter what. That is what makes them family.
Veronica, your comment is very true when In Cold Blood was written it was very common for moms to be stay-at-home and the men to work and bring home money. However you are so right that it is becoming very rare to see women stay at home full time except for when their children are very young. Also in response to Kami, I have to disagree. I think of my mom as the strict one and my father as the one who will let me get away with anything. I believe it depends how that parent was raised and just their personality in general. My father is very laid back.. but when he has to get strict you better believe my siblings and I never disobey him. Maybe thats the perk of being the lax parent, when you finally have to crack down your children are so bewildered by it they have to listen!
In response to Amanda's questions, I agree with Christian in that people should not have to fit into a specific prototype and stick with it. However, I think that people tend to strive to fit into what society considers to be normal.
No one plans for divorce or illegitimate children, however these things are just a part of life and as I'm sure we all agree, everyone makes mistakes. I think it depends on the family and how they handle tough situations like this to determine if the effects are positive or negative.
In response to the question of illegitimate births, although they may not be planned by the parents, I believe that if a baby is conceived it was meant to be. The way I see it is that God wanted that child whether it be to a married couple or not.
So, I definitely think the changing norms are for the better. With different times comes different lifestyles. 40-50 years ago, there were such stigmas surrounding illegitiamte children and divorce, but since life has changed with women gaining more power and position in society and other significant changes, I feel that it is natural and better for the stigmas to have lessened. If old views remain rigid and set, then society wouldn't be able to get along.
I think the changing standards will always be for the better if the underlining idea of what a family is remains solid. I agree with what Kami said. A family, regardless of the structure, roles, and norms, should always be the group of people that love and care about one another and will always be there for one another. With that underlying principle, I think the continuing changes of family dynamics will always bring better aspects of life.
I believe that the modern day family, or at least the societal standard in the modern world, is not so important. It makes less sense to both employers, and members of society to judge both children by their parents, and vice versa. Individualism is the societal expectation of the day, how an individual operators and performs is the standard society cares about. The role of mother being nuturing, and a father being the provider are so commonly combined that the role of the parent is no longer distinct. Classifications are becoming so general, to achieve specificity, it requires an analysis of the characteristics of an individual. The role of family is no longer the most important thing for the perceptive audience, but only for those directly impacted, and impacting, leave expectations to the locality in which they occur.
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